请不要分了以後还记得亲吻过的承诺. 你的永久已不属於我 - 萧敬腾

I never felt more alone.
I was already crying while walking back home from the train station.
So many scenes flashed by my mind and I suddenly start crying, really crying in the middle of the blocks. I forced my legs to walk back but once I was about to reach my doorsteps, I just couldn't walk anymore.
It was pathetic. I broke down to tears and sat at the corridor stairs, almost wailing.
I don't think I have cried like this in public. No doubt I was alone that time but crying in public is kinda pathetic for me.

I was at Central,Starbucks trying to write, trying to read.
Ashvin called me to drop his concerns.
"I was there when both of you got together."
Despite my usual replies of telling people I am doing fine (Which is true), when he said,"You guys have been together for 5 years, it must have mean something to you."
I managed to reply, "It is..." after few seconds of slience, only to start tearing after I hung the call.

I teared at Starbucks. I teared sitting by the river. I cried at the middle of the house blocks. I cried at my house staircase.
Fuck! It's so annoying and no one is here. I don't think I want anyone to be there though but I don't understand...

Before I head out, my mum asked where am I going and who I am going out with. I do not want her to worry so I told her that I am meeting my friend instead of the truth which I would be alone.
She commented, no she WARNED that I shouldn't be 'wild' and stop my two-timing nonsense!
What the fuck was that? I was so pissed that I raised my tone and told her to stop jumping to (fucking) conclusions just because she doesn't know a thing.
I was so pissed but then again, for what for?

I have no reason to be angry with anyone at all. Though I asked for this but can anyone tell me it is not my fault? Is it?

I am getting more tired than usual.

Suddenly...instead of renewing, I don't feel like 'going back' anymore.
Because...all these...are making me too weary.

The love, the relationship, the fading of everything together with time, the setbacks, the heartbreaks, the tears...
I don't think I can redo everything with the same person anymore nor anyone new at anytime soon.

I'm going to bed.
Night.................